This is something really important for all of us especially for those who are willing to marry someone or are already married, and I thought sharing it all with you because it’s again one of the most worthwhile things I came by recently.

There are misconceptions about the term being married or marriage in our society. The values we preach nowadays are totally in contradiction with those of Islamic teachings. It’s been a year ago; I had this hot discussion with one of my elders from family as I was against this “marrying in same tribe system”. I asked him that what logic you present that marrying in same tribe or caste (whatever name you call it) will be successful? The answer that he gave me was totally out of this world and for a moment I was really shocked that man though has landed on moon, but needs to land on Islamic values to find out the truth, for truth is not there on moon but in that which Allah J.S gave us. Okay now moving back to what he replied, the answer was, “Yes indeed marrying in own tribe has more chances to be successful than marrying in someone lower caste because caste has a deeper impact on persons character and blood”. Being honest at that time I felt that I am being made to believe that the current Islamic values that we have got are not derived from Quran and Sunnah, rather from the Hindu Scriptures and that was mainly due to indulgence of Muslims of subcontinent with the Hindus in olden years long before existence of Pakistan. This system is not found anywhere else in any Islamic country except for in Pakistan and in some states in India amongst the Muslims.

Allah J.S says in Al Nisa verse No. 1

“O mankind be conscious of Allah J.S who created you from one person (Adam) and then created from him his wife and created many men and women from them. You should also refer to Allah J.S whom you refer to when you make your claims from others.”

Racism is incomprehensible to Muslims, for the Quran speaks of human equality in the following terms in Surah Al Hujurat Ayat No. 13:

“O mankind! We created you from a single soul, male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one another (not that you may despise each other). Truly, the most honored of you in Allah's sight is the greatest of you in piety. Allah J.S is All-Knowing, All-Aware”.

Racism is totally prohibited in Islam as Islam believes in universal brotherhood, therefore such values should be reckoned while marrying and the only thing that should be of concern for the bride or the groom is piety. We should always keep in mind that Allah J.S could have created us in a variety of ways, but He created us from one person (Adam A.S), to guide and remind us that we are in fact one family. Hence the members of this family must always show love, care and consideration to one another. This is Islamic Universal Brotherhood, no other religion commands and demands from its followers to practice this universal brotherhood so emphatically.

Now after this main argument, I would like to explain the roles and responsibilities of spouses in the light of guidance of Holy Quran and teaching of Prophet Muhammad SAW, Allah J.S states in Surah Nisa Ayah 34

“The men are overall in charge over the men”

This verse is often misunderstood, due to the fact that people ignore other verses in the Quran pertaining to this topic. For example it does not mean that men are to act as hard headed dictators. Allah J.S says:

“Treat your women nicely”

Then Allah J.S says in Al Baqarah # 233

“Consult your wives in the matters of home life”

Consultation or Shura is an important element of Islam and must be used in family unit as well. There is, in fact, absolutely no difference between men and women as far as rights are concerned. Allah J.S says in Al Baqarah # 228

“Women’s rights over men are same as men’s rights over women’s”


Each has a role which is very demanding in its own way. Only men can do men’s role the best and women can do women’s role the best. Why should He not know who created us and assigned these roles?

Hence we see that man is overall in charge because he is to consult and treat his wife nicely all the time. Man is really in trouble because if his judgment of final decision in a matter goes wrong, it will fire back on him. He will be accountable in this world and in the life to come.

So far there are a lot of instructions for men, you may be wondering is there any instruction for women? Yes, like who are pious ladies? Allah J.S says in An Nisa # 34

“The pious woman is that who whole heartedly accepts man as the one who is in charge. In the absence of her husband she protects herself and his wealth.”

Wealth ofcourse means physical belongings as well as children. Hence, bringing up of children Islamically is very important. Since both of these obligations are difficult tasks, Allah J.S says that He will especially help the women to fulfill these obligations if they sincerely try.

Prophet Muhammad SAW gave the explanation of this verse by saying,

“The best wife is one, when you see her you feel happy, when you ask her to do something she obeys, and when you are away, she protects herself and her belongings”

Life is not always smooth, there are always some ripples. In case of any such difference, Allah J.S states in Al Baqarah # 237

“If you forgive, it is closer to piety”

By forgiving you are not a loser but rather you are the winner. Therefore, do not act rude or mean towards others in sorting out your differences. To avoid confrontation the Quran guides us not only to forgive others but also it insists that we do not forget the goodness and graciousness between ourselves. Allah J.S says in Al Baqarah 237:

“Do not forget the niceness between yourselves”

Allah J.S describes the mutual relationship between spouses in Al Baqarah 187:

“Men are women’s clothes, and men are women’s clothes”

Now tell me what do clothes do? They protect us from heat, cold, sun, dust etc. Similarly spouses are protectors of each other and in a way a shield for each other.

Clothes cover our defects and spots on the body. Similarly spouses know each other’s defects and are supposed to cover these defects and not to go around saying to relatives and friends the weaknesses of their spouse.

Clothes add to the beauty and charm of a person. Similarly spouses add to each other’s beauty and charm. Physically, they should be best dressed for each other and not for ceremonies only. For example, men are not supposed to be sloppily dressed at home and vice versa. Furthermore, each should display the beauty of character and behavior of their mate. For example if a woman does not have a good behavior, it shows the behavior of her husband and vice versa.

Lastly, clothes are closest to the body. Similarly spouses are closest to each other and know each other’s secrets and should remain close to one another with sincere understanding. It is not proper that a woman remains closest to her relatives and a man to his. Both are representatives of one another and should be sincere and understanding in all terms.

I pray that may Allah J.S enable us all to understand what he sent upon us and may we follow the righteous path in our lives, may He bless us all. Amen.