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[quote]Safimera - my apologies in advance, this will be LONG! My immediate family was never religious, though my grandmother did take me occasionally to the Protestant church she attended. They were not a church that took questions well, and I was still quite young when I decided I would not attend any more after hearing the answer "Because it's in the Bible, that should be enough answer" one too many times. As I got older, I felt I had made the right choice; it didn't make any sense to me that one religion, Christianity, could have SO many different churches that, all from the same book, said such vastly different things. Nor could I understand how Christian churches could be so opulent while so many of their parishioners went hungry. There was just so much WRONG with it all, but I still wanted very badly to believe . . . I just couldn't believe as they wanted me to. Where I grew up we had three major religious groups: Christians, Jews, and Wiccans (the Wiccans being a very small but growing minority that now accounts for about 15% of the population in the area). In my teens I became a Wiccan, and in time I was even an ordained Priestess. For ten years I was a polytheist, led and wrote rituals (but never "spells"; even then I believed that to try to do anything to try to force the will of the gods was an affront to them, something almost all Wiccans would disagree with me on), and lived what I considered at the time to be a virtuous and spiritually fulfilling life. But one day I read something written by another Priestess, that she claimed was one of the deepest teachings of Wicca: "All Goddesses are one Goddess, all Gods are one God, and the God and Goddess are One." It hit me like a ton of bricks that this was a truth, and I asked myself, "if the are all One, than why worship many? And if deep in my heart I knew this all along, how could I remain a Priestess admitting that I was teaching a lie?" That was the very swift end of my being a Priestess. My ritual tools were packed away, though I still have them (I will not destroy them, because they tell the story of my journey in faith, and from time to time I come across them in their wrappings in their box and I smile at how far I have come since them, and feel thankful for where that journey brought me). Forward another ten years, and during that time there was really no spirituality in my life. I had gotten married, had a wonderful daughter, but unfortunately the marriage had turned out very badly and I got divorced after that 10 years (my ex was not a good husband, but he truly is a wonderful father, thank Allah). A time after my divorce I became engaged to my current fiancee, who in his youth had planned to study to become a Catholic priest, but left his Church after the Vatican had removed their elderly Priest, taken their altar (which had been donated by the congregation) simply because it was beautiful and they wanted it for themselves (they dropped it while moving it, shattering it before it even made it out the door of the church) and shut down their Catholic school. However, he never lost his faith in God, just in how humans deal with him. It reawakened a return for faith in me . . . but I didn't know really what for. No "religion" made sense, people had distorted it, used it for gain, and had made a mockery of worshiping God. So I was content with simple faith, and had no idea that I was following, in a very simple way, one of the simplest Truths: God knows best. I put my faith in Him and Him alone, because I knew that what everyone around me was saying about religion could not be right. In time we were both laid off from work and decided to return to college, and since we are not as young as we once were, we decided we would dedicate our lives to something that means a lot to us: preserving ancient sites, buildings, and artifacts; I particularly wanted to work with preserving mosques, because I always thought they were beautiful. Both of us have always wanted to visit the Middle East, but we frankly knew very little about it beyond the Byzantine Empire and what we had seen on TV about the archaeology there, which was almost entirely about Judaism and Christianity and their rise in the area. We got talking about this and wondered, "why is there no information about Islam? It's not exactly unheard of in the Middle East!" So I decided to research it - and yes, to me at the time it was scientific research! - and went to the library and took out three books: a textbook on Islamic history, a copy of the Qu'ran, and an autobiography of a woman who had travelled alone to Iran. The Qu'ran went back to the library unread. It was a horrible translation that had been completely rearranged by the author's whim, and knowing it wasn't what it was supposed to be, I refused to read it. The story of the American who went to Iran, called "Neither East Nor West", I read in a day; here in America, we hear the most awful stories about Muslims and Islam and the Shari'a, and while I had never believed it, that book was a real eye opener about Islam in general to someone who had been fed nothing but sound bytes and sensationalist news from the media. The textbook was exactly what I thought I was looking for: a historical and scientifically laid out story of the Islamic religion. However, as it was designed to be used in a classroom, there was much in it I didn't understand, so I went to the internet. And read. And learned. And watched videos. And read the Holy Qu'ran. And came here, and met all of you! And ultimately realized, this is the Truth. This and only this can be the true Word of God. Islam has REASON, not excuses, it provides ANSWERS, not empty questions, it is PEACE within its people, not conflict (okay, there is always conflict, but even THAT is addressed in the Qu'ran! Had Allah wanted, he could have made us all the same, after all!). But, I cannot give my shahada yet. Allah tells us to be patient, and since I cannot be married to a non-Muslim, I will wait for him to convert and seek Allah's forgiveness for following this prohibition in this way. I also have questions that I pray for answers to, for I would not be a good Muslim if I didn't receive them. One that weighs heavily on me is the other members of my household . . . two dogs and a snake. All three came from households where they were neglected or abused, and with us they have found a safe home, medical care, food, and much love. One dog I believe could rightfully be called a guard and hunting dog, as he is a breed specifically bred to protect property and hunt small pests such as rats; however, he must live in the house, as winters here get to -40C. But the other is very old, almost blind, had to have most of his teeth removed from infection . . . . The snake I would fear for the most. I was a reptile keeper for several years and know from personal experience, the number of people who know how to care for snakes properly is very small (why they even SELL large snakes for pets in the first place is beyond me, since almost always they end up dying from maltreatment). Yet I know these animals are unclean, and keeping any animal in a cage (the snake in this case) is haram. Allah made them as they are, and they are safe and well cared for here. How could I turn one of His creatures away simply because it is as He made it? Mohammad (pbuh) ordered the killing of dogs, yet the people of the cave kept their dog inside with them and were visited by angels? Dogs are unclean, yet the prostitute would enter Paradise because she gave water to a thirsty dog? I know Allah does not mind questions if they are asked in love and devotion to Him, and I know in time, He will provide answers. I must be patient. So how did I find the Truth? I am STILL finding the Truth, and probably will be until Judgment Day; I will never have all the answers, and Allah knows better. As I write this, I keep looking up at the whiteboard near my computer desk. While I was taking a Psychology test at the town library, my fiancee watched a movie I had recently purchased about the life of the Prophet (pbuh). Written across the top of the board is six simple words: "Peace and blessings be upon him." It looks like he is still finding the Truth as well. :)[/quote]
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