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[quote]Salaam,

For this woman...

I believe we can get Qur'anic guidance on this issue.

The following general guidelines must be adhered to always in a marriage.

“And among His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find comfort and repose in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)

•	Allah has indeed created man and woman to be the natural counterparts of the other, they are natural companions.

•	Allah has destined that we will find comfort and repose with one another.

•	Finally Allah tells us that he has put love and compassion between husbands and wives.

An important aspect in marriage is that the physical, emotional and mental bonding and companionship must be firmly based upon Islam, love and compassion, only then can husband and wife truly find comfort in one another.

From this position alone, you have grounds to request your husband be more gentle with you, as he is now taking away your RIGHT to comfort and compassion for the sake of unneccesarily rough intercourse.

He cannot take away your right for something which is not his right, namely roughness and inconsideration.

He should aim to please you in intercourse as he would seek to please himself as this is a mutual obligation: -

“On the night of the fast it is lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives. They are clothing/covering (libaas) for you and you for them….” (2:187)

•	Libaas is used for the covering term above, in this context it would seem to imply intimacy and closeness, concealment of faults, confidentiality and an adornment for one another.  We act as a covering and protection for each other from fornication and any other such danger by sexually fulfilling one another.

It is clear that we must seek to sexually fulfil each other whenever needed in order to remove that need or want from one another, in this way we can help one another.

to be complete...

“It is He Who created you from a single self and made from him his spouse so that he might find rest in her/dwell with her. Then when he covered her she bore a light load and carried it around. Then when it became heavy they called on Allah, their Lord, ‘If You grant us a healthy child, we will be among the thankful!’” (7:189)

•	The husband should find rest and tranquillity in his wife.

You should seek to be a source of calm and rest for your husband.

It is clear that husband and wife must seek to sexually fulfil each other whenever needed in order to remove that need or want from one another, in this way husband and wife can help one another.

“Your women are fertile fields for you, so come to your fertile fields however you like. Send good ahead for yourselves and have fear of Allah. Know that you are going to meet Him. And give good news to the believers.” (2:223)

This analogy indicates a few things: -

•	The fertile field analogy can be taken to imply that intercourse should be vaginal in nature, as it is only through this kind of intercourse that one may ‘sow the seed’ in the ‘fertile field’.  This makes no statement on other non-intercourse based sexual acts.

•	It also implies that there are options in whether to sow or not as with any ‘field’.

•	It implies that we can have sexual intercourse any way (position) we like.

•	We are reminded that we must send good before us and fear Allah and know that we will meet him.  This acting to purify man’s (at least) intensions with his wife in sexual intercourse.

The wife should be receptive to her husband and his needs, and the husband should remember Allah to purify his mind before intercourse.

I think it is obvious that men have much stronger sexual appetites in general, which is why it is important for wives to try and be accomodating to the extent that they can, while still demanding their rights to compassion, care and love.

If he must be rough with you in intercourse, then this is HIS problem which he cannot inflict on you, and if he takes away your pleasure and (as is possible) gets rougher in the future... you may have to take proceedings against him or get him to get psychological help.

But first ask him to be more gentle with you and be gentle but firm in suggesting this.  Demand your right.

Edited by: marwan on Saturday, June 10, 2006 7:46 PM[/quote]

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