Studying Islam

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[quote][i]contd:[/i]

12. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
    * Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
    * Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening.
    * Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a
charity sale.
    * Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

13. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
    * Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
    * Give them presents on special occasions.
    * Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
    * Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
      Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and
keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

14. (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes
    * The basics of Islam
    * Her duties and rights
    * Reading and writing
    * Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
    * Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
    * Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

15. Admirable Jealousy

* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
    * Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
    * Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
       1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her
speech by meanings that she did not mean
       2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are
just.
       3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
       4- etc.

16. Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
    * Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
    * Forgive the mistakes she does to you  (See item 18).
    * How can you best correct her mistakes?
      1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
      2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
         Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another
room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
      3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
         - He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
         - He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on
time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor
refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
         - It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
         - He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face
or on sensitive parts of her body.
         - He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,
etc.

17. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
    * Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
    * Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
    * Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to
Islam is growing.
    * Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet
PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats
and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
    * Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches
that 
      are more subtle than direct accusations
    * Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
    * When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
    * Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control
on your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi.
Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and
correct our errors.[/quote]

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