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[quote]Assalamo alaikum---to all my friends who are bringing up young kids;(and to those who may have grandchildren soon!) I only wish I had this clarity of vision when my kids were at this stage; as mums we all want them to be good practicing muslims, which implies that they would have the best of character along with their knowledge and ability to perform the rituals of worship..I am grateful to Allah for what He has blessed me with, but I can now see my own shortcomings in the process of bringing them up and I want to share them with you all. We all go through our own own 'struggles' and the practicalities of this life, trying our best to balance things... my heart goes out to those who are working and despite their careers , are aware that end of the day, this is an 'added' resposibility that they have taken upon themselves, and their main role as a woman, as a mother , as a wife takes priority over everything else. I do feel that in the process, we tend to 'jump' certain vital steps; we forget that in order for us to able to influence them, we ourselves need to be at a level that befitts our role as teachers; we do not try to teach our children mathematics ,chemistry and other subjects that we have almost forgotton, but when it comes to relegion, we do not seem to be fussed at all--whatever 'remnants' of information we have from our childhood---we simply pass it on, regardless of it's authenticity. We have certain set goals in our mind while living in the west,; if our child prays and fasts, keeps away from the girlfriend boyfriend stuff, (AND agrees to an arranged marriage)--we are done! These are ofcourse important things that I am not trying to undermine---what I do want to say is that it does'nt work that way. We are missing out on the very crucial step of educating 'ourselves' and ACTING upon that knowledge--before we think we can shape the character of our future generation; we have to realize that their childhood and growing years are not like our's---so they will not 'automatically' pick up certain things that we did; rather we are sending them to an environment quite contrary to what we try to preach to them--so unless they are convinced in their hearts that what you uphold is the absolute truth, they are not likely to follow it. I want a feedback from you all--I know you are all very busy, but you do care about your kids--I am forwarding this nice article from 'shareislam' series that I thought you might find useful-- but I want to start something intractive around the concept of 'worship' in our religion for our own benefit , that will inshallh reflect in the lives of our children as well.I am sure we all can spare a few minutes every other day for ourselves, whilst the rest of the struggle takes up most of our time...inshallah it will give us a better vision of our real life and put things in their perspective. love, As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you), The Role of Parents in Their Children's Lives By Maria Khani Play Quoting a saying of Imam Ali where he says children should be played with until the age of seven, after which they are disciplined for a further seven years, and then befriended for the next seven years, For example, prayer times should be a time of great joy for young children, not something that is rushed. Parents can tickle and play on the prayer mat and display affection before starting, so that children have a positive association with this important ritual. Love - Parents can nurture love within the home and love for Allah and His Prophet through gentleness and warmth. - Pick up the Quran, take your child in your arms and read together. Ask him or her to point out words they know or that you want them to learn. - Move beyond memorization alone, and capture your child's imagination by telling them the stories that would make a typical fairy tale pale in comparison. - Flying creatures? Al-Buraq. - Miraculous objects? A Pen, which wrote about everything that would happen. - Look for topics that would engage children - study the animals in the Quran and work on crafts that relate back. - Make the Adhan a fixture in your home. Encouragement & Support Respect is key to the success of any family, and translates to communities where children are heard and are encouraged to participate. This starts at home. Parents should make time for their children - why do teachers often know more about our own children than we do? If that's the case, more time with your child is in order. Respect your child's needs. No one likes to get up in the morning and immediately head to work, for example. Give children at least one hour and a half before they have to leave the house, or start an activity. How best to wake them up? Massage them, kiss them - make waking up a bonding activity that everyone looks forward to. Make sure children are well fed before starting the day. Teach Generosity Encourage children to share with others. Only buy them what they need, not what they want. Let them give of their time and their effort, and they will soon prefer to give, rather than receive. Muslim Versus Mainstream Make Eid an awesome party. Talk about the point of celebrating achievements. Teach about sensitive issues - like sex education - through references to the Quran and Sunnah (which a parent can slowly impart between grades 4 to 7). Other health topics from the Sirah include information on how to keep bodies clean. For daughters, show the honor of Hijab, emphasizing its beauty as something a woman voluntarily does for the sake of Allah. Mothers should talk about how they feel about their Hijab, and share their own experiences with it. Father's Role Parents should consult each other on how to raise their children. In Surah Al Baqarah, Allah Talks about the decision to wean a child as one that both parents should make. "...but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them," [Noble Quran 2:233] Nowadays, many fathers have given up this responsibility, but it is important for them to remain involved in the upbringing of their children. Remember The Goal: When Prophet Zachariah called on Allah to grant him a son, he wanted someone to carry on the Prophetic tradition. The aim of having a child was to raise someone up who would carry on the mantle of righteousness. "And surely I fear my cousins after me, and my wife is barren, therefore grant me from Thyself an heir, Who should inherit me and inherit from the children of Ya'qub, and make him, my Lord, one in whom Thou art well pleased." [Noble Quran 19:5-6] Remember, Prophet Noah lost his son because his son's actions had cut him off from his own father (which shows that ultimately, even the best parent cannot be sure of the outcomes.) "[Allah] said: O Nuh! Surely he is not of your family; surely he is (the doer of) other than good deeds, therefore ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge; surely I admonish you lest you may be of the ignorant." [Noble Quran 11:46] Raise your children with love and kindness, and pray that Allah will save us all. Khadejah Jones Share Islam Team ShareIslam.com Attend online sisters classes in the comfort of your home. Visit: IslamEvents.com for class schedules. Watch various Islamic channels at WatchIslam.com. There is no better time to start than today. Mothers in Islam What does Islam say about "mothers"? Read! I would like more information: Ask a question in the chatroom[/quote]
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