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[quote]I dont know why there is so much argument between Junaid and Osman. You guys seem to be sincere in your religion but sometimes I feel you go off topic. Lets just concentrate on one issue at a time. I agree with Yasmin, Koran clearly mentions: One is best for you if you cant treat 4 equally. I have also visited a couple of websites which clearly mention that there is a definition for " treating equally" which in no way means "loving" them equally as it is not possible from psychological as well as Islamic point of view (Example of Prophet Mohammad (S) who loved Aisha (R) more than the other wives). So treating them equally means to support them financially, give them love, happiness, spend equal time with them,provide them with food and shelter....just like you provide for your first wife. Now I know a muslim brother who said he wanted to marry a second wife simply because he wanted multiple partners for sex.This has always been his dream and fantasy.He also said he would not have any kids with the second wife, wouldnt give her any money,would spend only 2 nights out of the week with her and wouldnt take her out for dinner or on vacation like the way he treats his first wife. He continued to say that he would let the second wife know before marriage that she would have to treat his first wife with kindness,give her massages, cook food for her and take care of her kids. (in other words, be a nanny!) This muslim brother told his first wife how much he loved her and would die if she left him.That he would treat her like a Queen if she only let him marry a second wife as this was causing depression in his life.He said he enjoyed being with his first wife, had a nice sex life with her, but he was into multiple marriages and was afraid he would commit zinah if he wasnt allowed to marry a second woman. Now his first wife was obviously shocked when she heard this from her husband.She objected to him marrying another woman.She said Prophet Mohammad (S) remained faithful to his wife Khadija (R) for 26 years and it was only after she died that He (S) married Aisha (R) and later had other wives but out of them only Aisha(R) was the only virgin wife.The rest were either widows or divorces. So this muslim brother's first wife asked him how he would want to marry another woman only for lust? How did he prevent himself from Zinah when he wasnt married to her? How was he so strong then and now acting so weak? She said he didnt have to ask her permission to marry another woman, but ofcourse he shouldnt expect her to happily give him the permission nor would she ever be happy if he did so. She also told him she might consider divorcing him if such a thing ever happened even though she loved him and was truly faithful and loyal to him.She asked him to compromise on this issue and not make it the focus of his life or marriage.She was ready to change herself for her husband, be more obedient,care for him more,cook and clean more, take care of his needs more, even sexual needs etc etc. But the muslim brother said he was happy with her and was satisfied with the kind of relation they had with each other, it was just that he wanted multiple partners for sex for that is what satisfied him.He told her to let him bring another woman just to fulfill his sexual desires but his wife disagreed with him, she pointed out that Islam did not let husbands marry other women just for lust, when they were financially not stable enough to support the second wife, when they clearly had no intentions of treating the second wife justly and fairly and had no intentions of treating her as a wife, rather treat her as a sexual object to satisfy your desires and lust with. Moreover, she said according to the USA law (where they were living) he couldnt have 2 wives.Now how would a muslim man lie and cheat to the government where he was living to fulfill or act according to something he says is from Islam?? Does Islam teach you to cheat with the Government? What would he say to the law about his second wife?? Would he present her as his girl friend? Now is that "Islamic"??' I think this is a very interesting story and we should all try to ponder over it and try to think rationally if we are really being good muslims or simply trying to use Islam for our lust and desires. Why cant we be patient and ask Allah to let us overcome certain weaknesses in our heart and soul.What if marrying a second wife causes divorce in this man's life? What if it totally ruins his first wife's life mentally and emotionally? Why doesnt he seem to care about her feelings? If he says he is getting depressed because of not getting his sexual desires being fulfilled by one wife, does he even wait to think how depressed his wife is just by thinking about his future wife? If he says men are created this way that they have more sexual desires then he should also try to think from women's perspective.....women are created in a way that they tend to feel jealous and insecure about sharing their loved ones with anyone else.What about her feelings?? What about the compromise that so many couples make in marriage? His wife didnt get all that she wanted out of this marriage, but did she ever think about leaving him? Was she ever disloyal to him? Did she ever cheat on him? NO! Never!! Then why cant the husband compromise too? Why does he such a big deal about this issue? Frankly speaking, I think this muslim brother is kind of immature and childish to think that any normal woman would want to marry him with the terms and conditions he has imposed. And I think he knows it deep inside what an unrealistic plan/idea it is. YOu are never going to believe what else this man suggested. He recommended that his first wife pretend in front of his parents that she was separated from him so that his parents would allow him to bring another wife.He said his parents would never let him marry another woman because they were agaisnt polygamy.Can you believe it?? But his wife said she would never be foolish or stupid enough to act on this plan.Her husband also said that he doesnt want to let the second woman know that he is already married......only after he marries the second wife would he tell her about his first marriage and infront of his parents he would act innocent and say " mom she left me, I was lonely so I needed another wife.But now my wife is back and I cant do nothing but keep her" This way he said he would finally be able to have 2 Wives!!! Look at this man, how manupilative he is and how he Misuses Islam or rather Abuses it! Shame on him and on all those men out there who are thinking about polygamy through lies and deceptions.[/quote]
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