| Author | Topic |
saadiamalik
PAKISTAN
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 Topic initiated on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 9:13 AM 
Arranged Marriages
The question of arranged marriages - yes or no - is not really a religious question. However, I would value everyone's critique on how religious-and-universal morals and respect are sacrificed, in the way this affair is handled in most homes today.
Wasalaam. |
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ibrahim
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 8:27 AM 
Salaam Sister
This is aan Important as well as Difficult Issue. I've seen more Successful arranged marriages THAN others. I think that it'll dominate in the near Future in our society of PAKISTAN. Only in big cities & in highly educated Families are going the Other way.
In my opinion the Best way is to Follow Islamic Teachings & to care the willingness of BOTH parties (boy & Girl).
& Believe me, One can't Run away from Sacrifices. They will come in different shapes in all types of marriages AS our LIFE in this WORLD is our TEST.
That's what I've to say. Let's see what Others Think.
regards |
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jxmedina
USA
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Posted - Monday, September 20, 2004 - 11:34 PM
Asalaamu Aleikum wa Rahmatu Allah,
I think the the parents and elders inthe family finding suitable mates for their young is a good idea. Especiallys ince the boy or girl is allowed to refuse. Their should be no compulsion in marriage. I have also seen more successful arranged marriages than those based on flaming hearts of love. I think falling in love is healthy. I also think falling in love after marrying the suitable partner is better and definitely longer lasting. My parents for example married because of their common goals, qualities, and expectations of a mate. They grew to love each other in a love of longevity, not a love of temporary bliss. I think when you fall in love with someone before marriage, you become blinded by this elevate feeling of eing in love and don't see many things you would otherwise see as faults and incompatibalities in your mate. When you are in love, your heart takes over. This can be dangerous pre-marriage, because maybe you will excuse any poor behavior or character, or worse, you will even let your body succumb to desire from this feeling of being in love. The safest way is to choose a mate with your brains and good judgement, then the love will grow from this base with such a strong foundation it will withstand many things in the future. This is my opinion. Allah knows best.
Jameelah |
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ibrahim
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 6:55 AM
wa Alaikum us Salaam u wa Rahmat u Allah wa Barakatuh
Yeah Sister Jameelah, I agree with your opinion of Natural growth of LOVE after Marriage has STRONGER base & is better and definitely longer lasting.
Ibraheem |
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StudyingIslamUK
UNITED KINGDOM
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 Posted - Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 11:06 AM
assalamualaykum/peace
we observe in this society that man and woman live together for many years without being married, but the day they get married resposibilities and rights take over which sometimes makes relationship stronger but mostly takes it to end soon as they had been used to live together without being obliged to duties;
no matter how long you live together, the love that flourishes by give and take and sacrificing for eachother in a married life as ordained by our prophet muhammad sws can never be replaced by any other relationship.
in arranged marriages input comes from parents, experienced elders or guardians about ups and downs of life and these valuable and free peices of advice should never be undermined.  as comparatively the couple going to get married may absolutely have no idea about all these possibilities to be considered. |
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oosman
USA
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Posted - Friday, December 10, 2004 - 10:43 AM
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Junaidj
CANADA
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Posted - Wednesday, December 22, 2004 - 7:39 AM
I know of a family of 4 sisters and 1 brother.
1st sister (love + arranged marriage) = successful marriage for 28 years, going on strong.
2nd sister (arranged) = successful but not as good as the first.
3rd sister (arranged) = hell.
4th sister (love) = bad.
brother has 2 marriages
(love) = strong
(arranged) = bad
Conclusion: In my opinion it should be both. |
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saadiamalik
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Wednesday, December 22, 2004 - 12:38 PM
quote:
I know of a family of 4 sisters and 1 brother.
1st sister (love + arranged marriage) = successful marriage for 28 years, going on strong.
2nd sister (arranged) = successful but not as good as the first.
3rd sister (arranged) = hell.
4th sister (love) = bad.
brother has 2 marriages
(love) = strong
(arranged) = bad
Conclusion: In my opinion it should be both.
 Makes sense. I enjoyed your presentation more, though.  |
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perv1
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 10:27 PM
Are arranged marriages not love marriages?
Are love marriages not arranged?
What is love?
What is a good marriage-is it the one that survvives or is where the couple are happy. Which begs the question is only one day of a happy marriage better than life long marriage of misery. |
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Irsalfwalsh
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 1:07 AM
>>>Which begs the question is only ONE DAY OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE better than life long marriage of misery.
???????????????????????????????????? |
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gohar
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 12:11 AM
I would say, its a cultural and conditional thing so whatever suits you and the people(those you care for) effected by that decision.
Afterall marrige is a legal social way for you to have family, so whatever way it suits the conditions and ones involved.
Its up to you that how much guts do you have to take a decision and commit. But nobody sees tomoro, the only thing you can plan for the best you can percieve. |
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oosman
USA
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Posted - Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 3:01 AM
THese are some hadith from Sahih Bukhari:
Volume 9, Book 85, Number 78:
Narrated Khansa' bint Khidam Al-Ansariya:
That her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she came and (complained) to the Prophets and he declared that marriage invalid. (See Hadith No. 69, Vol. 7)
Volume 9, Book 85, Number 79:
Narrated 'Aisha:
I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent."
.....
It is clear from these that the parents cannot force their child into marrying someone they like and their child does not like.
God does not order us to blindly obey our parents. Never does He say anywhere in the Quran to blindly say yes to your parents, no matter what they ask for. Ordering us to be kind to parents and to say nice words to them; it does not mean you have to 100% obey them all the time. You can respectfully decline them if you don't approve of something they ask of. The condition is to be always nice to them and treat them kindly. |
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Loveall
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 9:01 PM
You are giving the Hadith more importance than Quran to find a way. I disagree to you your interpretations.
Edited by: Loveall on Sunday, July 24, 2005 10:22 PM |
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Loveall
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, July 24, 2005 - 10:25 PM
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
GOD SAYS:
· And We have enjoined on man goodness to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, to Me is your return, so I will inform you of what you did (29: 8).
· And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! Have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little. (17: 23, 24).
In the light of the verses, one is allowed to refuse the parents ONLY IF they ask for doing Shirk (Polytheism) OTHERWISE in the matters like marriages etc if they (parents) do not agree, he/she has NOT AT ALL the right to refuse the parents. |
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gohar
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Monday, July 25, 2005 - 1:12 AM
would you like to explain shirk(polythesim)? What makes one polythest?
before we go any further? |
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oosman
USA
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Posted - Monday, July 25, 2005 - 1:54 PM
| Shirk or polytheism is to assosciate partners with Allah in His Divinity. Worshipping idols is a form of polytheism, where people might have stone dieties who they pray to and ask for things. For e.g. they ask a statue they worship for rain, for good crops, etc. Sometimes they believe that they cannot directly ask God All Mighty because He is so Supreme, so they have to go through these intermediaries and false gods that they create for this purpose. An e.g. of that would be Muslims going to holy sites and worshipping at graves, asking dead saints for wishes, cures, etc. and assigning those dead saints or dead prophets a Divine status. Another kind of shirk might be giving society a Divine status, for e.g. thinking what others might think of your actions, trying to please other people. Another form could be worshipping money. There are many forms of shirk, some are easy to discern, some not so easy but easy to fall into. |
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