| Author | Topic |
Bhavittre
PAKISTAN
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 Posted - Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 6:36 AM 
But.this in women only
we live the TEXT and instead use our COMMON SENSE which isnt so common afterall. |
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Bhavittre
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 6:37 AM
But.this in women only
we live the TEXT and instead use our COMMON SENSE which isnt so common afterall. |
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Ibrahimblicksjo
SWEDEN
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Posted - Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 9:09 AM
Salaamu Alaikom wa Rahmatullah. I've been a member for this site for about a week now, done ome courses and follow the forums closely with much interest.Here we can learn a lot. I am a swedish Muslim.I came to Islam for about 20 years ago. And when it comes to the question of marrying more than 1 wife you can really see how many Muslims here try to explain this so it shall fit the "swedish norms", since polygamy is forbidden according to swedish law, and swedes in general do not support this idea. Hmm even though many are married and then have lovers on the side.
Now about the permission part: It is true that men do NOT need to ask permission of the first wife to marry a second. But I can understand the thinking to some extent. Lets say that a man have established a family with the first wife and have children and then he wants to marry a second, but the first wife is totally against this and want to divorce if that is the case. Shall the man split up the already existing family just to marry a second wife or shall he abstain from it?
Or is it so that the first wife are the one doing wrong in not accepting the rule of Islam on this subject?
Personally I think that when we enter Islam (ALL muslims alike) we need to, step by step, accept ALL of Islam and not only what is fitting us. Sometimes that requires effort on our part.We can't take what we want and leave what we want. Does not Prophet Muhammad (sas) say that 'Anyone who adds something in this matters of ours (Islam) will have it rejected.' (interpretation of meaning). Sorry for the long post) |
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nageen
USA
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Posted - Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 3:55 PM
asalamleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,
I just wanted to say after viewing many of the posts, as the wise have said this is a hard pill to swallow, that is it... no need to justify it by releasing your inner struggle through jadala, abu jamaya has the proper opinion as it reflects the opinion of the our scholars and therefore of ahlu-sunnah wa jamaa't...
unfortunately you people have too many liberal friends that influence you in such things, you dont live in tough neighborhoods, where reality is revisited frequently... this is truth, seriously, because why do you see people who have suburban lifestyles more willing to argue it than people around urban lifestyles... interesting psychology....
and what is more acceptable than the Quran, u believe it is from Allah, then just say samina wa atanaa..
may Allah make me and you one of them ameen
wa asalamaleikum wa rahmatullahi wa baaraakatahu |
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Zulfee
USA
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Posted - Sunday, April 9, 2006 - 10:15 AM
| The Noble Qura’n doesn’t demand any permission from the first wife.No hadith is of value. |
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Zulfee
USA
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Posted - Sunday, April 9, 2006 - 10:15 AM
| The Noble Qura’n doesn’t demand any permission from the first wife.No hadith is of value. |
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Hischam khan
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 6:43 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,
quote:
Somehow I am not comfortable with the notion that one does not need permission from the first wife for second marriage. To me this reeks of violation of the rights of the first wife.
Perhaps in the Arab society at the time in which the Qur’an was revealed, the women did not object to such a thing as they do today? In fact, plural marriages was something that was very common and acceptable according to the custom of that society and I have even read that women would see it as a competition as to who will be the man’s favourite wife.
The scholars at al Mawrid have emphasised the need to see the ground on which the Qur’an has permitted -- and mark my words, I say permitted, not encouraged nor obligated -- the men to marry more than once. The important thing to note is that there was a purpose for it and the purpose was not to satisfy the man’s cravings for more pleasure. It is also just as important to note that it was seen as an acceptable norm by the people at the time. It certainly was not as the situation happens to often be today, where the woman gets married to a man, builds a family with him and then later finds to her suprise that he married another woman and has a family with her too. This situation is yet worse in many non-Muslim countries where the man marries a non-Muslim, she converts and later on finds that he married a second. Not having had knowledge of the permissibility of such a thing, she is then left to accept this awkward situation because Islam supposedly requires it. Such men murder Islamic directives at their whim!
quote:
Second if the objective of multiple marriage be upbringing of orphans, can they not be financially supported, is marriage necessary.
According the scholars at al Mawrid, it seems that the very point these opening verses of Surah Al Nisa stress is the caring of the orphans. The verse itself stresses the condition that if they feel that they shall be much better able to take care of the orphans by marrying more than once (e.g. to the mother’s of the orphans), then they may make use of the custom of plural marriages, but unlike the culture at the time, a limit is set at four. It would seem that it was the best option but this could also imply that if an alternative that is better and more appropriate be found that it maybe used instead. It would seem that such would apply all the more in societies where plural marriages are frowned upon.
quote:
Third, even if it be argued that there are other issues i.e., a widow woman's desires as apart from raising orphans, should this not be treated as a test of patience, after all if scholars counsel the unmarried and the homosexuals to stay chaste, then one could make a similar argument for widows.
But if their case is such that an acceptable alternative is there then it may be appropriate or even better to take advantage of it. With societies having a change of mind on this custom, it maybe argued that it no longer holds good, at least for those societies that do not see it as acceptable. Certainly for a woman who abhors even the thought of her husband having a second wife, I would advice that if she feels there is even the slightest chance he may marry again that she let him know before their marriage that she is strictly against it and that she is only prepared to marry him with the understanding that he will not marry another woman while married to her. If an agreement is made in this regard, the nasty repercussions of an unwanted second marriage can be avoided, and surely prevention is damn well better than cure!
quote:
The Noble Qura’n doesn’t demand any permission from the first wife.No hadith is of value.
While this may seem true, the context and background in which the Qur’an was speaking may require us in our days to think again about ignoring the thoughts of the first wife.
May the Almighty forgiving Lord be merciful to us all! |
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sisterinislam
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Monday, May 22, 2006 - 12:38 PM
Assalamu Alaykum
just quickly read through some of the posts in this thread and hope sisters and brothers dont mind if i add my opinion.
Lies and deceit are haraam in islam that is definite, so when the man with the second wife goes to spend the night with his second wife as is her right if the first wife doesnt know about the second wife where does he tell his first wife he is going.
Honesty even according to quran is the best policy. I feel so sad that as muslims not only on this topic but lots of other issues also use quotes from the holy Quran to wrongly support there theries. May allah s.w t grant us all guidance to the siratul mustaqeem. |
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LUXANGEL
SPAIN
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Posted - Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:45 AM
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Zulfee
USA
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Posted - Saturday, July 1, 2006 - 4:50 PM
| According to Noble Quran, No permission is required at all. |
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hibah
USA
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Posted - Monday, September 17, 2007 - 10:05 AM
Update on what that deceving, lunatic, husband did to his first wife...
Well he did marry her, his first wife told him she would leave him. His second wife was under the illusion that he loved her only. The second wife'e parents were not told about the entire situation.
To make a long story short...that liar, hypocrate, psychotic husband told his first wife that he had married the second woman for a short period of time and that it would only be a " temporary marriage" to which his own mom said it sounded more like " Mutah" that shias do and that a temporary marriage is not valid by no means. So in other words, he admitted that his nikah was no valid. Anyways, his first wife left him...then dont know how and why, but the second wife left him too ( but he claims he divorced the second one).
Now ya'll tell me; what did this clown get from all this. All for lust!!! he lost his loving, beautiful, intelligent and above all FAITHFUL wife, yes ur right, his first wife was a gift from Allah to him. In his own words " I only realized how I hurt my first wife through my actions, I love her to death, she was my angel and I think about her everyday. She was my faithful, pious wife and I have hurt a lot of people through my deeds..."
So someone tell me what good did polygammy bring to this idiots life? Nothing! Now he lives with his mom and believe me he is in pretty bad shape, to be quite honest he looks like he has bipolar disorder with borderline personality and Im pretty sure if he went to some sex therapist they will diagnose him as a sexual pervert/ sex maniac. |
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shahidas
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 11:33 PM
Assalamoalaikum
Its been good to see so many different points of views, most of them pretty valid and reflection of real life stories.
At least one thing can be established that its good practice for husband to consult first wife in order to marry a second one to find out her feelings about it first. Yes its true statistically that most women will not consent to that, situations like these especially when children are also involved if the husband has made up his mind then the first wife has no choice but either to live the rest of her life being miserable or seek divorce.
Many a times we have noticed that such men who violate the shariah laws do not find happiness after marrying second time and gain nothing more than misery for themselves.
One must not forget that this world is not meant to be heaven for any one. We will all be tested different ways. If husband and wife fall apart for some time which is not so uncommon they should find different ways to sort out relationships as well as pray to God for harmony. It may take time even much longer time but honest efforts, prayers and accepting taqdeer ( fate ) does help. Doing dua in your prayers gives you peace of mind and divine guidance to resolve the differences.
Its no doubt that we all know the difference between good and bad. Our subconcience can always guide us in the right direction provided we are wholeheartedly keen to follow the right path of Islam then this can further be strengthened by looking at the shariah laws on the matter. Permission or no permission I personally dont see the need for this debate to continue any further as enough has been said in terms of personal experiences and shariah laws to form a doubtless and conclusive opinion. Islam has only encouraged one wife, the choice of having a second wife should only be practiced under very exceptional circumstances. Children can only grow up with a balanced personality if the home is a heavenly place both parents are fulfilling their responsibilities with complete harmony. |
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hibah
USA
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 Posted - Sunday, September 30, 2007 - 4:46 AM
| excellent job moderator!! May Allah give you lots of reward for being able to differentiate between right and wrong. |
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Bhavittree
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, September 30, 2007 - 7:22 AM
quote:
According to Noble Quran, No permission is required at all.
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Bhavittree
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, September 30, 2007 - 7:23 AM
quote:
According to Noble Quran, No permission is required at all.
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Bhavittree
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, September 30, 2007 - 7:23 AM
quote:
According to Noble Quran, No permission is required at all.
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