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raushan
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
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 Topic initiated on Monday, October 9, 2006 - 1:10 PM 
plz help me?
I am being greatly challenged by my "seasonally muslim" husband!
I was looking forward to this time, hoping that he would be centered in the spiritual aspects of this holy month. But instead, he has turned into a demanding difficult person to live with!
Each day, he is obsessed with the food. He thinks for hours upon hours about the food that we will eat, and when I tell him we have plenty of leftovers from the previous night's feast (he purchased all arabic foods with 2 whole chickens and insisted we cook them both in spite of the fact we are only the two of us), enough to feed at least 10! But he refuses to accept this, and insists that Ramadan is about this great feast of food every evening to break the fast. He says...you do not know anything, you are not Muslim, this is what WE do!!!!
We have very little money but he is going to spend even more on the food tonight, because he is tired of the chicken we have to eat. I suggested that we see our meal as sufficient, that we honor God/Allah for us having a fridge full of good food that will sustain and nourish us, but he said, that the food is not just for nourishment, but for pleasure and he is not happy with what we have.
He is also argumentative with me upon everything, and is expecting me to suddenly become arabic and act as his mother, in devoting hours to this meal preparation and making the food as HE likes it back home.
I suggest that he is really more homesick (I know he really is, which is another story) and that this year he is especially longing to be surrounded by his family during this time, and this is what he is craving, but to take this in the light of Ramadan that he might find inner strength with God/Allah to overcome these difficult feelings.
I can do nothing right these days and he is so stubborn that I do not see any real devotion coming of his fasting during the day. He spends all of his time thinking about food and not about Allah at all.
Please, how can I endure his current frame of mind and is this uncommon?
Thanks in advance for any help in this matter.
(from a christian sister married to a muslim in usa) |
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waseem
UNITED KINGDOM
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 Posted - Wednesday, October 11, 2006 - 7:47 AM 
Siter I am saddened by your predicament. The ethos of fasting is to develop self control, patience and develop our will power. It is to recognise the plight of the poor who do not have food and also to recognise that we are in a state of prayer whilst fasting, not indulging in any negative actions or speech. It is unfortunate if we do not recognise the above. We must recognise the difference between fasting and starvation.
Islam lays great emphasis on being sensible and moderate in our spending. We must not be very miser and at the same time must not spend lavishly on essentials. The rationale is about helping others. Religion states that our money is Allah's loan. We must spend wisely on our needs and if we have surplus, try to help others. If someone spends lavishly and in principle wastes money then we are taking away a needy persons right. That money could have been spent in a betterr way.
It is important to realsie that Islam is a religion of intention. We will be judged by this. We must be very clear that Allah knows what is in our heart.If we are doing an act for the sake of Allah, we must be very clear about the rationale behind it.
may Allah provide us all with awareness. |
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