| Author | Topic |
Shadia
USA
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 Topic initiated on Friday, April 9, 2004 - 2:09 PM 
Marriage
I am an Arabic, Muslim woman, and I have found the man that I love. He is Muslim, but he is African American.
I have approached my mom about him and she has told me that this will never be accepted. What she does not understand is that I have become a stronger Muslima because of this man and his beliefs and what he has taught me. He is a convert, but he is strong in his belief of Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and the life of Islam. My mom seems to be more concerned with my status in society and what other people will think. She is married to a man that claims to be a Muslim, but does not follow like a Muslim. What should I do? I love my family, and I love this man...I believe that the reason I met him was because I started to stray and Allah blessed me with a person to guide me back to the right direction. Any advice will be appreciated....   |
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karimah
USA
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 Posted - Saturday, April 10, 2004 - 2:14 AM 
As-salaam-alaikum Sister,
I am an African-American revert, and I have met many brothers, from varied cultural and racial backgrounds. To me, they are all the same, and that is how Allah (swa) views the matter as well. The Qur'an says that "the Arab is not better than the non-Arab...". Perhaps you should respectfully remind your mother of this, as I am sure she will not wish to dispute the word of Allah.
I will make du'a for you, that you will find happiness with your beloved.
Karimah |
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Shadia
USA
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Posted - Monday, April 12, 2004 - 12:55 PM
As-salaam-alaikum Karimah,
Thank you for your encouragement and support. |
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Natalia
UKRAINE
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Posted - Sunday, April 25, 2004 - 3:14 PM
salaam aleikum,
I understand that all the cases are different but at the same time they have something similar. I just want to give my life experience. I am a convert muslimah Alhamdulillah, from Ukraine. I met a man from Africa and we dicided to get married. My parents (who are not muslims and sometimes they can hardly understand me) were agaist it, especially my father. my most difficult task was to make them get used to the idea that I want to marry this man (I was telling them salaam from my fiance, telling about his family, saying that I feel safe and calm when I talk to him, and I was making du'a to Allah. Gradually they got used to the whole idea and right now everything is fine Alhamdulillah. I wish u to keep the faith and to ask Allah to guide u. May Allah be with u and help u and your future family inshaAllah. |
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amna
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 6:20 PM
| i like to read books but almost all urdu literature i have read includes sex. i was reading maa ji by qudratullah shahab and he wrote the a women's body is her universe. from what i have read i find sex repulsive. why is it then that marriage is a sacred relationship? |
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Humairah
CANADA
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Posted - Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 8:37 AM
salam
I think it's understandable to any 2 people who are married that marriage is more than just sex. The union of two Muslims comes with respect for each other, responsibilites, providing each other emotional and moral support and so on. You cannot form your opinion just reading books, that's not enough. Read what the Qur'an and Sunnah say about marriage.
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).
Dr Shahina Siddiqui is one of my favorite American speakers. Please read her article here:
http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/inislam.asp
Hope this helps you formulate a valid opinion. It is not for us to question the system Allah (Subhana wa ta'ala) has created.
w'salam
-Humairah
quote:
i like to read books but almost all urdu literature i have read includes sex. i was reading maa ji by qudratullah shahab and he wrote the a women's body is her universe. from what i have read i find sex repulsive. why is it then that marriage is a sacred relationship?
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ummjuwayriyah
USA
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Posted - Friday, July 9, 2004 - 6:58 PM
Question: What are the most important matters which should form the basis for a woman to choose a husband, and does refusing a righteous person for worldly reasons bring Allaah's punishment upon her?
Answer: The most important attributes which a woman should seek in one proposing marriage are good character and Deen (Practice of the Religion). As regards wealth and lineage, then these are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the one proposing the marriage should be good in the Deen and in his character - since regarding one possessing Deen and good character, she will not lose out in any respect: if he keeps her, then he will do so in a good manner and if he releases her, he will do so in a good manner. Furthermore, the one possessing Deen and good character will be a blessing for her and her children and she will learn good manners and the Deen from him.
But if the person is one who does not have these attributes then she should avoid him - especially those who are negligent about the prayers, or one who is known to drink intoxicants - and Allaah's refuge is sought... So what is important is that the woman should concentrate on good character and practice of the Deen. As regards lineage, then if it is attainable additionally, then that is more fitting, since Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said: If there comes to you one whose Deen and character is pleasing then give [the woman] in marriage to him
However if one who is also similar in standing is found then that is better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shaikh Ibn Uthaimeen in Fataawal-Mar'ah Vol. 1. p.50 |
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ummjuwayriyah
USA
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 Posted - Saturday, July 10, 2004 - 4:04 AM
COMPATIBILITY IS ONLY BASED UPON RELIGION AND PIETY:
From the evil and reprehensible matters is that some who claim to be from the tribe of Haashim (i.e. claim to be a Sayyid; someone related to the Prophet’s (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) family) say that there is no kafaa‘ah (marriage compatibility) between them and someone from outside of their own clan. So they do not get married outside of their clan, nor allow anyone from outside of their clan to marry them. This is a great error, a monstrous ignorance, oppression against the woman, and it is a legislation which neither Allaah nor His Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) legislated or prescribed. Rather, Allaah - the Most High - said:
“O mankind! We have created you from a male and female, and have made you into nations and tribes; that you may know one another, Indeed the most noblest of you with Allaah is the one who has the most taqwaa (piety, fear, and obedience of Allaah).” [Sooratul-Hujuraat 49:13]
“Indeed the Believers are but brothers.” [Sooratul-Hujuraat 49:10]
“The Believers - men and women - are allies and protectors, one to another.” [Sooratut-Tawbah 9:71]
“So their Lord accepted from them their supplication, and responded: Never will I allow to be lost the actions of any of you, be they male or female. You are one to another.” [Soorah Aali-’Imraan 3:195]
Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said: “Indeed there is no excellence for an arab over a non-arab, nor for a non-arab over on arab, nor for a white person over a black one, nor for a black person over a white one, except through taqwaa (piety and obedience to Allaah). The people are from Aadam, and Aadam was from earth.” [2]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) also said: “Indeed my awliyaa‘ (friends and allies) are not the tribe of so and so. Rather my friends and allies are the muttaqoon (those who possess taqwaa) - wherever they may be.” [3]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said: “If there comes to you a person whose Religion and character are pleasing to you, then marry him (i.e. give the girl in marriage to him). If you do not do this, there will be fitnah (trial and discord) and great fasaad (corruption) upon the earth.” This was related by at-Tirmidhee and others, with a hasan isnaad (good chain of narration). [4]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) married Zaynab bint Jahsh of the Quraysh (i.e. the Prophet’s clan) to Zayd Ibn Haarithah, his freed slave. He married Faatimah bint Qays from the Quraysh clan, to Usaamah, the son of Zayd. Bilaal ibn Rabaah, the Ethiopian married the sister of ’Abdur-Rahmaan Ibn ’Awf of the Quraysh. So the purpose here is to explain the falsehood of those who claim that it is forbidden, or detested, for someone from the Prophet's (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) clan to marry outside of that clan or tribe. Rather, what it is obligatory in this matter is to consider only Religion as the compatibility factor. So the Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) distanced Aboo Taalib and Aboo Lahab (his uncles) - because they were not Muslims and drew near Salmaan the Persian, Suhayb the Roman, and Bilaal the Ethiopian. This is because they possessed eemaan (faith) and piety, and they followed the Prescribed Laws and traversed the Straight Path. Thus, whosoever adopts this false and ignorant practice of barring Haashimee women from marrying from outside of their clan or tribe, will only achieve blameworthy results; such as corruption of the people, or adversely affecting the birth-rates, even though Allaah - the Most High - said:
“And marry those amongst you who are single, and the righteous from your slaves. If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is all-Sufficient for His creation, the all-Knowing about their state.” [Sooratun-Noor 24:32]
So He commanded to marry those that are single, and to marry all other categories of Muslims - irrespective of whether they be rich or poor. Thus, since the Islaamic Sharee’ah urges and encourages the institution of marriage. So the Muslims should hasten to fulfill this command of Allaah and of His Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) when he said: “O youths! Whosoever amongst you has the ability to marry, then let him do so; for it lowers the gaze and restrains the private parts. But whosoever does not have the ability then let him take to fasting; for indeed it is a shield for him.” Its authenticity has been agreed upon. [5] Thus, it is incumbent upon the guardians to fear Allaah concerning their guardianship, since it is an amaanah (trust and responsibility) around their necks, and Allaah will question them concerning this trust. So it is upon them to hasten in getting their daughters, sons, and sisters married, to the extent that this task has taken full effect in life, and the corruption and harms of not doing so have been minimized. And it is known that when women are prevented from getting married, or if their marriage is delayed and deferred, then this is a cause for calamities to occur, a cause for shameful moral crimes to take place, and a cause for a decline in standards of behaviour. So - O worshippers of Allaah - it is upon you to fear Allaah regarding your own selves, and with regards to the daughters, sisters, and other women whom Allaah has been placed under your charge and authority, and that the Muslims should come in order to realise the good and the happiness for the society, and to follow the path that will increase the good and lessen the crimes. And you should know that you will all be questioned and held to account about your actions, as Allaah - the Most High - said:
“By your Lord! We shall call them all to account for all that they used to do.” [Sooratul-Hijr 15:92]
And Allaah - the Mighty and Majestic - said:
“And to Allaah belongs all that is in the heavens and the earth, that He may punish those who do evil with that which they have done; and reward those who do good with Paradise which is best.” [Sooratun-Najm 53:31]
So hasten in getting your sons and daughters married, following in the footsteps of your Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam), and the footsteps of the noble Sahaabah (Companions) (radiyallaahu ’anhum), and all those who follow their path and guidance. I also advise you all not to seek excessive sums for the mahr (dowry), but rather be moderate in this, and that you strive to select pious and righteous people for marriage.
We ask Allaah to grant us the understanding of the Religion; grant us firmness upon it; and that He protects us and all the Muslims from the evil promptings of our own souls, and our evil resultant actions; and that He keeps away from us the deviating trials and discords, whether open or hidden. And we ask Allaah also to correct all those who have a position of authority over the affairs of the Muslims, and that He rectifies them. Indeed he is the One having the power to do so. And may Allaah extol and send blessings of peace upon Muhammad, and upon his Family, Companions and all those who follow them.
Footnotes:
[1] Majmoo’ul-Fataawaa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi‘ah (3/100- 103)
[2] Saheeh: Related by Ahmad (5/411). It was authenticated by Ibn Taymiyyah in Kitaabul-Iqtidaa‘ (p. 69)
[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (10/351) and Muslim (no.215), from ’Amr Ibnul-’Aas (radiyallaahu ’anhu)
[4] Hasan: Related by at-Tirmidhee (no. 1085), from Aboo Haatim al-Muzanee and Aboo Hurayrah
(radiyallaahu ’anhumaa). It was authenticated by al-Albaanee in Irwaa‘ul-Ghaleel (no. 1868).
[5] Related by al-Bukhaaree (4/106) and Muslim (no. 1400), from Ibn Mas‘ood (radiyallaahu ’anhu)
By Shaykh ’Abdul-’Azeez Ibn ’Abdullaah Ibn Baaz |
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abdullah099
USA
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Posted - Monday, August 9, 2004 - 8:04 AM
| Yes in this case I would appeal to your parents using evidence from the Quran as well as the sunnah as to why it's not ok for them to discriminate against this man just because he's african american. They cannot outright argue against the laws of allah. |
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abdullah099
USA
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Posted - Monday, August 9, 2004 - 3:08 PM
I know how you feel as well. I'm Somali and if I wanted to marry a girl who is outside of my race then not only would my parents dissapprove. But everyone they know would gossip about it. I know this would happen because one time a Somali guy in the city where I live married an asian girl and it was the talk of the town amongst the Somali women and some of the men. This girl reverted to Islam because of what she say in him, but that didn't matter to anyone. Personally I don't think it's anyones business who you marry, except for your immediate family. Gossiping is an evil thing.
Edited by: abdullah099 on Monday, August 09, 2004 3:09 PM |
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jxmedina
USA
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Posted - Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 5:51 PM
Assalaamu Aleikum Shadia and All,
I know this post is late, but I have just come online recently to Studying Islam.org.
I would like just to say that it is very unfortunate that many Msulims share your mother's view of Muslim interracial marriages; however, the view is extremely anti-Islam. All Muslims are members of the Ummah,and we are untied in our belief and in worshippig Allah the One and Only. It is a shame that parents sometimes are more cncerned of what others will think if the child marries a Muslim of another race. The most I have seen are objections when the woman is Arab, Indian, or Pakistani and she wants to marry a Muslim who is black or African American or simply, too dark for her family. This happens for men as well who have wanted to wed darker or black Muslimas. Maybe it would be a good idea to read the Prophet's (sws) Last Sermon together with your mother. NshaAllah this would remind her that an Arab is no better or differnet than a non-Arab Muslim. Your mother and all who disapprove of interracial Muslim unions, should care more about what makes the individual happy, who will treat them right, and who will be the best mate with whom to complete half your deen. There Islamic union where each partners guides and encourages the other to be a better Muslim and stay in the straight path, is the marriage any Muslim parent should want for their child, regardless of the skin color. How trivial an argument color is. Shadia, you stated that this African American Muslim has taught you so mush and guided you back to the correct oath, while strengthening your iman. I say to you, regardless of what your mother thinks, you have found a good Muslim. NshaAllah your mother will see how happy and righteous your marriage with him is, and she will have nothing but good words and blessing for you both. Make yourself happy sister. I sincerely wish you all the best in this most unfortunate situation.
Fi Amani Allah
Jameelah |
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Amani23
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 7:39 PM
Assalmu Alikum,
My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage, and he doesnt want to committ himself to having any more children for at least 3 or 4 years. If I ask my husband for a child and he refuses, is this allowed Islamically? What rights do I have and what rights does he have. If anyone knows the answer, can you please back this up with Islamic evidence.
I should let you know that he did tell me that he has 2 children before we got married and he said in the contract of marraige that he doesnt want to have any more children for 3 or 4 years. But now I feel I Want my own child. What should I do? |
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Amani23
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 7:43 PM
Salam,
Just want to ask, does anyone know of a book to help Converts deal with non-Muslim parents finding it difficult to accept their childs conversion to Islam. I am in a situation where my parents wont accept me as a Muslim and I am finding it extremely difficult, almost to the point where I feel depressed, can anyone help!!! |
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jxmedina
USA
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Posted - Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 8:06 PM
Assalaamu Alaikum Sister,
I do not know of a book for you to read , but there are some articles on the following site (it is the convert section): http://thetruereligion.org/modules/xfsection/
My best friend has reverted to Islam and she is having the same problem you are. Pleae don't let it get you down sister. Try surrounding yourself with good muslimahs who can give you comfort and a place to feel safe, accepted, and well. You may also try sharing some of the articles at truereligion.org site with your family nshaAllah.
For the issue with you wanted babies although your husband has outlined his position in your marriage contract, i can only give a suggestion. Maybe you have tried already, but speak with him about your concerns and your need and want to be a mommy. Allow him to feel secure with you in the marriage to the point he will no longer question or doubt the longevity of your marriage nshaAllah. Maybe it is so painful for himto be without his children under his care. I dont know. Maybe he is most afraid of that happening again. I don't know his feelings; all i think is you must do your best to rid him of the insecurity he feels now. I wish i could help you, but Allah knows best and He will guide you nshaALlah. May Allah bless you and your husband with beautiful, healthy babies nshaAllah. May Allah guide you and keep you safe, and us all.
May the peace and blessings of Allah e upon you in this difficult time and always.
Jameelah
(I hope you will get many replies to yours post in this thread and the other.) |
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Shadia
USA
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Posted - Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 2:49 AM
AsSalaamu Alaikum
Thank you Jameelah for all of your encouraging advice!
Shadia |
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