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xxbasxx
UNITED KINGDOM
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 Topic initiated on Sunday, May 29, 2005 - 12:29 PM 
-The Muslim Girl's Guide To Dealing With Dudes-
I actually got this from an email sent to me by Malix. it is LONG but EXCELLENT please read it xx Bas xx
A Muslim Girl's Guide For Dealing With Guys
(From one Sister To Another)
Authour : Unknown
Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably
bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from one sister to another, is a Muslim girl's guide for how to deal with guys.
No Touching!
Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram (Mahram is your dad, brothers, father-in-law, husbands, grandfathers, and the siblings of your parents)- person of the opposite gender that is not related to you.
That means no patting on the back, no hand shaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that.
If you're in a difficult situation where you think someone will try to shake your hand, the best thing to do is just smile and say, "My people don't shake hands" and then explain why. And why, is because we believe a woman's touch is a privilege and she doesn't just share it with anyone that easily.
No Flirting!
Not even with Muslims, not even in an Islamic school, especially not in a masjid! Flirting means that you're saying or doing things on purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There's no set criterion for what flirting is, but any girl knows what is and how to do it.
Muslim women are supposed to behave better than the average woman, who has to be beautiful for all the men around her all the time, who are trapped behind their looks and only judge themselves to be worthy if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise dude once said, "Don't start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass".
If you don't want a guy's advances, then don't do anything to earn them. There's no point in throwing yourself all over guys and trying to seduce half the world. You really only want to marry one guy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and chances are he isn't going to be some dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.
No Boyfriends!
Ok, a basic rule thats been repeated to you since you were a kid. We all know that having a boyfriend (or a girlfriend for guys) is haraam because it counts as Zina - fornication. Fornication, in easy English, means`sexual sin'. God expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, then you get the typical western society where people play sexual merry-go-round with each other, giving each other STDs, using and abusing each other, and destroying the sacredness of marriage as an institution.
You can't even be sort of engaged to a guy, and then "date" to get to know each other. In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren't allowed to be alone together (that includes talking on the phone!), to touch (not even shake hands), or gaze at each other lustfully. Islam sets boundries from the first step, so its harder for us to fall into a trap. It doesn't matter if the guy you like is Muslim, a great guy and the Prince of England, you can't date him.
No Boy—friends! (i.e. 'Guy Mates' etc...)
The easiest way to ensure that you don't end up falling in love with some guy before you're ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course in school you have to interact with boys all over the place, but that doesn't mean you should be best buds with them. Probably 90% of relationships begin from friendships. Chances are you're not ready for marriage, your parents aren't ready to let you get married, you're still in school/college and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best way of saving yourself from needless temptation.
When you have to talk to boys in school as teammates, lab partners, group members, and peers, it's best to maintain a distance. That means that you don't confide in them, you don't let down your guard, you don't unnecessarily engage them in needless conversation, and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but this is your afterlife we're talking about.
So many great sisters have put themselves in really sticky situations because they allowed a boy to get to know them, and either ended up liking the boy, or having the boy like them. once that happens you either end up becoming a pair (which is HARAAM!), or having to end your friendship.
Instead of letting it get to that point, and then having to kill a friendship that you probably worked hard on cultivating, you should just stop it before it begins. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think only a guy will understand your problem, then talk to your REAL brother, or your father, or an uncle.
No Talking on the Phone with Boys!
In Islam its forbidden for non-related guys and girls to be alone together because there is the chance for physical zina, vocal zina, and zina of the eyes. That means, with no one there to watch you guys except that boogery shaitaan, then you might be tempted to actually DO something, or say gross things, or just stare at each other all lustily. With that in mind, it's also a safe bet to assume that talking on the phone with non-Mahram guys is a no-no too. Why? Because unless you've both got it on speaker-phone and you're chaperoned by a responsible person, then you're still kind of "alone" with him.
The people in your house can't hear what he's saying to you, and his family can't hear what you're saying to him. There's a chance for some bad stuff then, so just avoid it. Not to mention, having some dude saying things into your ear that no one else can hear would be gross in real life, why is it okay for him to talk into your ear via the telephone? For the most part it's just too intimate.
Be Disaffected!
What does that mean? Disaffected means un-affect-able. That means that nothing a dude can say can hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down on the scenery below.
You're a little interested in what's going on down there, and it may look really nice, but you know that to get to the scenery you have to jump off the plane. Like the scenery miles below you, the guy may look really nice, but you know that to get him you have to jump off the plane ...errr...commit spiritual suicide, and though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground 600 meters below and go -splat– on Judgment Day. Maybe even sooner.
Short of becoming an ice-princess, being disaffected involves putting up a mental wall between you and all idle usless chat and cheap attention from male kind. They don't know your thoughts and you don't care for theirs. You can
interact with guys at school/college, but always maintain a formal distance.
Don't ask a guy how his infected toe is doing. Don't give him a hug when he looks down. Don't offer to help him with his homework. This is just asking for attention.
Don't go out of your way to remind him that you exist, and that you're not half bad looking. Even if you don't feel like behaving, make yourself behave anyway, your afterlife is important enough to discipline yourself for. And remember, you’re not a cheap toy for them to play around with emotionally or physically. Most of the rules in Islam are set to respect a woman's existance and give her the same treatment as men. I mean, you don't see male strippers in magasines that often do you? Or even modelling butt naked on the latest lingerie advertisement....so why should it be ok for women to do stuff like that?
The safest philosophy when dealing with guys is remembering this "He's not what I want, so why should I do anything to make him interested in me? That'll just make for a painfully awkward situation and it's not worth the sin anyhow."
Remember that you're always being watched! Would you act all giggly and stupid with boys if your mum could see you? No, right? Because you'd feel like an ungrateful idiot for disregarding the religion that your parents took so much pain for you to understand and the Prophet took so much pain just to deliver to us as a nation. Well, imagine how ungrateful it is to act like a supreme idiot when God can see you all the time, and it's really stupid to disregard the religion that God prescribed, the favors He's bestowed upon you. How dumb is it to take the eyes that God gave you and do things with them that He told you not to? (like goggle at boys?) How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it!
You have no secrets! Not because Big Brother (whoever that is…) is watching you, but because every single thing you ever did will become public domain on the Day of Judgment, and you'll be brought to trial to defend what you did. Just don't do anything that you wouldn't want your parents, your bros and sisters, your teachers, your friends, the neighbours and the whole world to know about, ok?
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xxbasxx
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Sunday, July 3, 2005 - 11:00 PM 
thank you for the advice brother but how is it relavent to the topic?
.xXx. Wassalam
Edited by: xxbasxx on Sunday, July 03, 2005 11:07 PM |
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ibrahim
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Monday, July 4, 2005 - 6:45 AM
Well Mr. Loveall, Here is another PROOF that your posts are MOSTLY irrelavent to the ONGOING topics.
Plz Keep in mind that Your Posts are Very GOOD but unfortunately ...
shabaash BAS, U r a v KIND moderator. Otherwise u MAY have DELETED an irrelavent POST. |
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tweety
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Monday, July 18, 2005 - 11:21 AM
mr. loveall
1) plz read reread and reread the post over and over agen until u actualy understand what it says and y its bn sed
2) this entry is a guide to most girls in the west who have no option but to interact with boys on a daily basis because of scool, co-ed, work etc; and because this results sometimes in one on one interaction with the oposite sex, girls realy need to no wat 2 do in such a situation
3) i believe bas has used the quote abotu mothers watching u as an example to relay the feeling of shame and guilt one would go through if they knew someone who they loved and would want to please was watching them- its jst a way of getting a point across, it doesnt mean she does stuff behind her parents back, nore is she encouraging that...
and please make comments taht are relivant to the topic or it wud b best nt to say much at all
it is realy jst a waste of precious time
may i suggest doin zikr instead? |
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xxbasxx
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 11:03 PM
Loveall, ive read through your post and it sounds like you think everyone is bullying you! please stop penalizing everyone on everything they do, i am VERY tempted to delete your post and may do so soon. i feel that you've insulted me and this forum aswell as this discussion and topic.
.xXx. bas .xXx. the MODERATOR whose wishes you MUST respect *and age difference doesnt matter, uncle, a 5 year old child deserves respect if they have been granted status*
Edited by: xxbasxx on Thursday, July 21, 2005 11:28 PM |
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tweety
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 11:33 PM
quote:
"By saying my post irrelevant, if you both are trying to conceal stupid message of the mail why not delete that rather than to give such statements loaded perhaps with the biased attitude"
WE'VE got the biased attitude?!
i think you should reconsider that statement
how can u undermine other people's positive contributions to the forums like that?
and btw- i think the 'keep in mind your posts are very good' comment by ibrahim uncle was directed to bas not u
w/salaam |
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xxbasxx
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Monday, July 25, 2005 - 9:59 PM
i am no longer accepting any posts from LoveAll on this topic. i have deleted all his previous posts and wish for him to not give us his opinion in this area of discussion ever again please. an argument has sparked and i had to delete two posts and would rather that i never have to do that again.
Wassalam.
ps- this is with all due respect as you are older than me
Edited by: xxbasxx on Monday, July 25, 2005 10:09 PM |
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ibrahim
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Tuesday, July 26, 2005 - 8:16 AM
Respected Moderator
There is a Request. Plz Delete All other POST too that are Addressing Mr "loveall" OR has His name in their Post. It means that Just leave the FIRST Post & the LAST post only & Delete ALL other POSTs present HERE. |
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proud_christian
USA
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Posted - Friday, July 29, 2005 - 9:10 AM
| i think all this is bull crap...to not let a girl even be friends with a guy..my friend told me this all today...i just got a bf and my friend told me is bad to have a bf....are u people crazy or wat???she said the devil will come between us...u dont even let a guy come into ur lives , how do u expect to get married...but u ppl hav arranged marriages..that is crap.. u may not even like the person |
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proud_christian
USA
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Posted - Friday, July 29, 2005 - 9:25 AM
| i think all this is bull crap...to not let a girl even be friends with a guy..my friend told me this all today...i just got a bf and my friend told me is bad to have a bf....are u people crazy or wat???she said the devil will come between us...u dont even let a guy come into ur lives , how do u expect to get married...but u ppl hav arranged marriages..that is crap.. u may not even like the person |
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littlenats777
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Friday, July 29, 2005 - 12:25 PM
| actually, we have the choice if w want to marry the person or not....it's better than the feeling of "oh! i slept with him then he dumped me!" at least we r clean and pure for our spouses.... |
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Imaan84
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Friday, July 29, 2005 - 7:42 PM
Miss Proud Christian,
According to you u r a Proud Christian n yet ur here giving comments on a forum which is for Muslims girls, for heaven's sake get a grab of sense!!Do what your religion has told you, and let us do ours...I hope your religion isnt as bad as you are depicting here. |
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proud_christian
USA
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Posted - Wednesday, August 3, 2005 - 10:30 AM
| whateva...my family is muslim but not that religious but i am planning to convert when i leave home...wat about the thing on tv about the 12 yr olds being forced to marry 40 yr olds...thats sick...whats with the whole not being friends with a guy thing then???? |
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ibrahim
PAKISTAN
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Posted - Wednesday, August 3, 2005 - 10:50 AM
| well tell me WHO says that guy-girl friendship is NOT possible in Islam??? plz note that it is possible but Just Bcoz Islam doesn't like it So it's NOT common among Muslims as Parents ususally NOT allow these type of Friendships. What's wrong in it? |
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proud_christian
USA
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Posted - Wednesday, August 3, 2005 - 11:20 AM
| whats wrong is that they dont let girls have normal lifes...come on u cant even shake hands..my friend keeps saying that if i continue seeing my bf that the devil will come n take me to hell coz hes cristian...big wow..and not even talkin on the phone ??? i would die if my parents where like tahat coz it would be like they are taking my childhood and teen years away which u can neva get bak... |
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xxbasxx
UNITED KINGDOM
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Posted - Friday, August 5, 2005 - 1:18 PM
well, proud_christian, all i know is that your friend's wrong about God chucking you into hell for having a boyfriend. the only reason God will chuck any of us into hell is for showing insolence to Him and His rules and laws. shes right about the devil coming between you, though, but then again, she should know that whenever there are two people in a room (even if its a guy and a guy or a gal and a gal) the devil is ALWAYS the third and is always between them (and theres more risk when its a guy and a girl).
none of us here at this forum OR on this website are going to tell you to 'get rid of your boyfriend because its Hara'am and dont shake hands with any boy and dont do this dont do that' etc.etc.... we're just gonna advise you, and other girls just like you, to not get yourself stuck into the complicated web of being in a relationship.
also, the whole 'no guy-friends' thing...thats advice too. it's basically telling you that Islam stops anything from happening from the FIRST STEP. im just guessing but... you and your boyfriend were probably friends before you started going out...most relationships start out like that... and Islam stops you from ending up in a relationship as soon as possible. but, again, its just advice.
you dont have to listen to any of it. none of us are going to take you by the shoulders and shake you into doing EXACTLY as we advise you to do, its up to YOU to take this advice. if you think its a load of rubbish, then thats fine, but just remember that its what's best for you. and you dont necesarily have to agree with that but hey....
and ... converting to christianity wont DO anything...these rules apply to all of humanity, not just Islam. if you've actually read the Qura'an, Bible, and other revelations in english or whatever language is familiar to you, you'll know that converting to Christianity will only make you a Christian by name. the rules of Islam will STILL apply to you, wether you like it or not... its the same for every athiest, Hindu, Sikh, Christian and Jew...
well anyway, you can read all of that if you want to but im not about to sit here and knock this into you. i have better things to do...and prayer is among them. id advise you also to take your bad language and rude coments out of my forum, please. Thanks.
Wassalam, .xXx. Bas .xXx.
Edited by: xxbasxx on Friday, August 05, 2005 1:25 PM |
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