The other day I saw a lady at my Clinic and besides her illness she also complained that because her husband is busy with work and also with another woman who he says is 'his 1st love' of the past, who he cannot leave so she is very depressed and sad because his absence from home & disinterest in family is not only affecting her health but also her young children are suffering.

She was brought here from Pakistan after being married to, has got children now but mr. hubby who lived here has disclosed many facts since. The mother and sisters in law support the husband and tell her to just look after children and home and stop interfering in the husband's pvt matters.Secondly he has financial issues as well coz he has to support her and children and also parents & off and on 'the 1st love' as well with whom he has physical relationship but has not married her yet, however he may as he says.

This is not a new story. We keep coming across lots of these from many of our Pakistani ladies who have been married and brought over from Pakista nin similar situations.

I suggested the lady also keeps herself busy by doing some job and earning money ~make herself and children strong and then decide her own affairs but she said that the husband is not letting her visa status changed to resident, he says that would cost him money so she could rather stay in an illegal status and hence unable to take any job, (although she has some education to earn a job for herself). the good point in her story was that the husband did not mind handing her passport and she could get it done herself if she wished to.
So I gave her some links for help, our local Pakistan Welfare centres and also some other suggestions how to take a temporary job in order to collect some money for the immigration work and so on.

I suggest to all our sisters to educate themselves more and more both in the subjects of 'deen and dunya' ; depending on the financial status of the house try and earn some money and keep themselves busy as well as strong. To explain to husbands gently where they were going wrong spoiling their own fortune, but if they did not seem to be bothered , just continue to strengthen their own relationship with God and keep themselves busy in positive activities including the care of their children~so finally they are able to make decisions in order to live a better life.

In an ideal world, it would be best if the husbands take a heed and change their ways, agree to sacrifice their interests in favour of the family and cooperate with the wives to make the unit strong. But if not, the wife will have to do this job herself. Allah has put her in this test and if she remains strong and patient, He will bring her out of this, slowly but surely!

Sometimes we are lucky to get a chance to speak to the spouse. The lady was clever, as her husband called her to pick her up, she invited him to see the doctor while she would look after the kids outside.

Although she was my last patient and I really had to go because I had a coommitment with children, but did not wish to loose this opportunity."It wouldn't take more than another few minutes I suppose, just talking to him. Who knows if it helps saving a family unit~the back bone of the society we wish to make better.." I thought looking at the innocent but tired and sad face of this young sister of mine and smiled at her."Ok send him in." The radiance of hope on her beautiful face surrounded by a scarf made me feel that my decision to stay back was right.

I spoke to Amar(name changed due to confidentiality) for about 15 mins and was glad to see that he was an intelligent and receptive young British-Pk lad as most of our young brothers are. It's just that they need a bit of guidance & direction with the help of not only worldly, but also of a religious and spiritual input. We talked about the concept of Sacrifice in Islam as taught by our Grand Prophet Ibrahim sws and as is followed by all the prophets. What it actually means for us when we celebrate Eid ul Adha every year and how is he now being tested whether he could make a sacrifice to save his family in order to seek the pleasure of His Creator.

I am hopeful that with faith based education of the couples, our sisters can have a better future insh'Allah and our families can see better days than those of misery and loss.

Summary: The issues around family unit and it's survivall are not limited to the Western communities only. Our Asian community is also not safe from the clutches of ignorance leading to selfishness & breakups. The solution lies in their guidance and education based on faith, at every level~insh'Allah